My Idea of Motherhood — wisdom from 1890
By Mary Francis Tucker Carlton
Editor’s note: This is a note on motherhood written by my great great grandmother in 1890, passed on through generations and eventually preserved in her daughter’s biography.
I have been called austere, commanding, and a tyrant but it was only a mistaken mind. If I failed, it was only through weakness, not judgment. My idea was to rule by love. I noticed when I was a child I could never tell my aunt anything that concerned my inner self. The true mother should be at once a child and a strong woman. We should be able and willing to put ourselves with them, to feel with them, to enter the delight of their sports, to feel each childish ambition for the mother to throb with each little soul. To be the babies’ confidante, the little maid’s, the young woman’s, the young man’s.
On becoming a mother I looked over my own childish memory. I could see where I failed and each of the causes. I thought to profit by my own life and save my little flock from my failures. I exacted obedience; no mother can succeed without control of her family to educate them so they could understand life in all of its phases. I think every child should have a little place entirely to self, his right of possession, his own little domain. Kept clean by mother’s hands when possible.
The maiden should have her own little room to be to herself when her feelings are hurt or she is tired. And especially should we have a place for our boys, to look as nice and cozy as possible. And each child should have a part of itself, an inner self, known only to mother and God. At the same time when it was not a thing of importance to give them their opinions, to leave their intellects free; to shape and mold their character, not break them.
I thought to raise a Webster, a Washington, or something greater. I think the boy should share a certain part of the money he makes and his mother should make him understand he must keep his expenses within his income. The girl should have some way of earning money. Her mother should let her learn from experience the way of spending it. This will give her an independent mind (I have seen the pith of this paragraph in readings in early womanhood.)
In regard to health, I think they should be put to bed clean. Bathing once a week is quite essential all times of the year, but bathing three times during the summer months is better. Or bathing every night for small children if they are strong enough to bear it.
